


A Kiss Is Just A Kiss

by lola381pce



Series: Chemical Cocktail [5]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Companionable Snark, Friendship/Love, Gentle Kissing, Kissing, Other, Platonic Hugging, Platonic Kissing, Platonic Relationships, Snarky Jarvis (Iron Man movies), Tony Being Tony, accidentally witnessed kiss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:41:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27900184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lola381pce/pseuds/lola381pce
Summary: Tony accidentally witnesses something that throws him for a loop. Fortunately, Clint and J.A.R.V.I.S. are there to put him right.
Relationships: Clint Barton/Phil Coulson, Phil Coulson & Natasha Romanov
Series: Chemical Cocktail [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1635874
Comments: 24
Kudos: 67





	A Kiss Is Just A Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> Prompts: Platonic kiss / Accidentally Witnessed kiss

Tony blinked. Not quite believing what he was seeing, he slid his glasses to the end of his nose with a finger and peered over the top of the frames.

“Oh. My god!” he murmured to himself. “Seriously? That’s… wow! Of all the possible hookups, I did _not_ see this one.”

“Whatcha watchin’” whispered a low voice in his ear.

Tony jumped and whipped his head around with a muffled squeak, one hand curled over his mouth, the other flattened against the arc-reactor in his chest. “Holy _shit_ , Legolas!” he hissed, catching his breath. “Warn a guy!”

“Are you spying on someone?” Clint asked, leaning his chin on Tony’s shoulder to peer in the direction he’d been looking.

“No!” Tony snapped, attempting to sound indignant. Sadly, he only sounded guilty, and realising it, he caved immediately. “Okay, yes.”

“On Coulson and Nat? Are you nuts?”

Sure enough, Coulson and Natasha were standing together, arms wrapped around each other in the comfortable embrace of two people totally at ease in each other’s company. Natasha’s cheek was pressed against Coulson’s chest, and his chin rested gently on top of her head.

Tony shrugged. “Maybe. A little. Accidentally.”

“Maybe a lot, man. We’ll never find your body if they find out, you know that right?” Clint smirked. This was just too fucking hilarious.

“Then we won’t _tell them_. _Will we_?” Tony hissed again, not finding the implication quite as amusing as his teammate. “Hey! So, did you know?”

“Know what?”

“ _There_! That. Look!” Tony said, flapping his hand urgently in their general direction.

Clint grabbed Tony's flailing hand, mostly to prevent himself from losing an eye, and turned his head to see Natasha tilting her face up to Coulson’s for him to examine something, a bruise or some other minor injury perhaps. After murmuring a few words to make her smile, Coulson leaned forward to place a gentle kiss on her cheek followed by another on her lips, while his thumb gently stroked her cheekbone.

“What?” Clint asked, scrunching up his nose in confusion.

“ _That_!” Tony was almost beside himself, frustrated that Clint didn’t seem to see what he was seeing.

“They’re kissing,” Clint replied with a shrug not understanding why Tony was getting his panties in a bunch over it.

“Ha! Exactly my point!” Tony said with a triumphant note to his voice. “So, dish. How long have they been doing the deed?”

Clint frowned at him and Tony rolled his eyes in response. “Seriously! Help a guy out here. Am I really the only one getting this? Agent Agent and Triple Impostor. How long have they been bumping uglies? Making whoopie. Doing the horizontal mambo. Having S.E.X.”

“Ah duh, Irondick! They’re kissing. Not fucking. Have you never heard of a platonic kiss?”

“Are you kidding? That was a lip kiss. Lip kisses are not platonic.”

Clint shook his head and rolled his eyes. “Hey, J.A.R.V.I.S.?”

“Yes, Agent Barton? How may I help you?” Stark’s A.I. replied, charming as ever.

“Define the word _platonic_ for Irondick here, would you?”

“I have no ‘Irondick’ in my database however given Sir’s penchant for assigning nicknames to his Avengers teammates, I take it you mean…”

“Yes, J.A.R.V.I.S. he means me,” Tony grumbled impatiently. “I know what platonic means. I just don’t think it applies here.”

“J.A.R.V.I.S.?”

“Of course, Agent Barton. Let me relinquish my status as the world’s most complex artificial intelligence, able to process 250 quadrillion calculations per second, to that of an online dictionary for your pleasure,” J.A.R.V.I.S. replied dryly, making Clint chuckle. The A.I. could be a snippy asshole with the best of them which always tickled Clint. “Platonic (of love or friendship) intimate and affectionate but not sexual. Example: "their relationship is purely platonic" or "platonic love".”

“Thanks, J,” Clint said.

“You’re most welcome, sir. Please don’t hesitate to let me know if you wish to play chess, or maybe tic tac toe later.”

Clint snorted again. Asshole.

Tony was adamant however as he folded his arms over his chest defiantly. “I repeat. Kiss on the lips. Not platonic.”

“Trust me, man. It's platonic. They’re definitely not fucking,” Clint insisted before walking away.

Tony followed him and poked him on the bicep to get his attention. He raised an eyebrow at how firm it was distracting himself for a moment as he poked it again. “You seem awfully sure they’re not,” he pushed once he snapped out of it.

“Oh, I am.”

“How do you know?”

“Because _I’m_ bumping uglies, making whoopie, doing the horizontal mambo, having S.E.X. with Coulson. Thought you knew that, man,” Clint threw over his shoulder, walking on as Stark came to a sudden halt at the unexpected revelation.

Not quite believing what he was hearing, Tony blinked. He stood perfectly still and stared blankly at a fixed point on the corridor wall, his mouth hanging open with Clint’s quiet laughter fading into the distance.

“Oh. My _god_!” he murmured to himself. “Seriously? Wow! I _really_ didn’t see that one. At all.”

**Author's Note:**

> A huge thank you to all for your continued encouragement of the kissing prompts series of stories Chemical Cocktail. I hope you enjoy the latest installment. I'm always delighted to hear from you.
> 
> Lola x


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